


It's Finally Okay

by Robyn_in_the_air



Series: It's not okay [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gaius loves Merlin, He's also just a little bitter, Merlin is still too good for them, They finally realize it, Well they at least admit it to themselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-04 20:20:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11562621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robyn_in_the_air/pseuds/Robyn_in_the_air
Summary: After hours of reliving every moment Merlin has helped him, emotionally and physically, Arthur was exhausted. It struck him just how many times Merlin had saved him, from himself as well as outside forces. He swallowed as he felt a distinct lump in his throat. Merlin didn't deserve this.





	It's Finally Okay

This fic is a sequel to my one-shot It's okay, but it doesn't quite fit with the last part of it. It takes place right around the incident in It's okay where Merlin gets shot by a cross bolt saving Arthur.

 

* * *

It's not like Arthur was blind. He saw things, like how well his knights had been doing since he introduced that new training technique, like how his lovely Guinevere loved it when he wore his Camelot-red shirt.

He didn't see Merlin though. Well, not clearly. Merlin had always been a mystery, some sort of puzzle he had yet to solve through almost a decade with him at his side.

He didn't see his "best" friend's suffering, toil, heartbreak. Didn't see his eyes getting duller, his smiles getting dimmer, his patience running out.

No, he was too busy running a kingdom, guiding his knights, loving his wife, taking care of his people.

_Doesn't that include Merlin?_

* * *

The crossbolt shot through the air so quickly Arthur almost missed it.

_Almost._

For a minute, he was unsure of where it went. His eyes hadn't been fast enough to follow the bolt through its entire trajectory and he searched the general vicinity of where he thought it could have landed to find any glimpse of the shiny metal.

Then Merlin keeled over. And Arthur realized where the cross bolt went.

He seemed surprised at first; the pain hadn't settled in yet. His eyes met Arthur's in desperation and the prince looked on helplessly as his manservant fell to the ground and clutched the weapon protruding out of his body with sweaty hands.

Finally, someone moved, Sir Leon, of course, and rushed over to the servant. Merlin was still falling, his upper body pitching forwards. The knight quickly pulled Merlin back and maneuvered him so he was essentially lying in his arms.

Everything was more or less a blur after that. At some point, they put Merlin on one of the horses and start riding back to Camelot, but Arthur didn't notice. It was as if he was in some sort of trance… but he wasn't, not really. He was aware of his surroundings, of the leaves rustling in the corner of his eyes, of the wind blowing gently, of the noise of hooves trodding softly on the forest floor, and specifically of Merlin's head, lolling rhythmically against the horse's flank.

_Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thum-_

"Stop!" Arthur yelled, frustrated.

Everybody stopped.

"Sire?" Asked Leon cautiously.

"No, I didn't mean you, I just… Keep going, come on, the sooner we get to Gaius, the sooner we can get Merlin better," he said firmly.

Even as the knights looked disconcerted by Arthur's earlier outburst, they slowly motioned for their horses and continued, maybe a bit faster, to Camelot.

Arthur could feel Leon staring just as he could still hear the infernal _thump_ that Merlin's head is making. He felt it like a white laser pointed at his back and it never went away. Part of him wanted to just turn around and ask _what his problem was,_ and part of him was ashamed because he knew exactly why Leon is staring.

_Keep it together, Arthur, keep it together._

By the time they got to the castle, Merlin's face was ashen and his tunic was drenched in blood. As Sir Leon and another few knights help him off the horse, Arthur stared blankly at Gwen, who, hearing the commotion, had come outside. She looked at him, and then to the bundle that the knights were supporting and let out a gasp.

Arthur shook his head.

He broke his gaze when he realized the knights were carrying Merlin up to Gaius' chambers. With one last look at his unfeeling king, he followed them up the winding stairs.

"Sire? What happened? Is Merlin okay?" Gaius asked urgently, panicked.

Arthur was speechless for a second. "I don't know, Gaius, we came back as fast as we could, a-after the bandits attacked us in camp and the stupid _idiot_ got injured trying to save my life!"

"Come, lay him down here and get me some water, a cloth, and the poultice on the table over there - no, not that one, the one next to it! - and I need everyone to clear the room."

Arthur stared at him incredulously. _He expects us to leave?_

"NOW!" He shouted.

As all the knights in the room slowly started to move out of their positions to help Gaius, Arthur stood there. Stood there staring at his best friend, who had been injured trying to save his life. Stood there watching a poor old man weep tears of despair for his broken ward.

Stood there wondering how things got so bad.

* * *

He came to visit the next morning.

After hours of reliving every moment Merlin has helped him, emotionally and physically, Arthur was exhausted. It struck him just how many times Merlin had saved him, from himself as well as outside forces. He swallowed as he felt a distinct lump in his throat. Merlin didn't deserve this.

He didn't deserve the alienation of Arthur and the knights, even Gwen, he'd noticed (yes, in fact, he did have some semblance of observation skills), had been distant towards Merlin. And he didn't know why this was all hitting him now, but with handling the responsibilities of being king, and helping Guinevere adjust to becoming Queen, he hadn't exactly had a lot of time to acknowledge the worries circling in his mind.

He approached the door to Gaius's chambers and paused for a minute. Then shook off the hesitation and opened the door. He was met with the sight of Gaius holding his head in his hands on the table and Merlin still unconscious. Still pale. Still looking… sick. Lying there, he looked fragile, vulnerable and Arthur had never seen him look so _goddamn young._

"Sire?" The question caused him to shift his gaze to Gaius, who looked at him knowingly.

"Uh- yes, hello Gaius… I just came to get some paste for my wrist, it seems to be sprained, and um, also thought I might inquire as to how my servant is doing?" He raised his voice nervously at the end to indicate a question.

Gaius's lips twitched. "Certainly sire, here, let me get some for you. As for Merlin, I'm afraid I can't say anything for certain at this point, but there is very high chance that he will be alright."

Arthur slouched in relief, then realized how that must look, and quickly straightened.

They remained in silence for the next few minutes while Gaius applied the salve on his "sprained" wrist.

"Sire, I…" Arthur frowned as he witnessed one of those rare occasions in which Gaius struggled for words.

"What is it, Gaius?"

"You _don't know_ ," he said vaguely, looking frustrated by the words.

"I don't… know?"

Gaius sighed, "You don't, Arthur, you just don't know."

* * *

Gwen was shaking. It wasn't like it hadn't happened before. In fact, it happened too much for anyone's comfort. But this time was worse. Because this time she knew she'd been horrible before they left, she'd yelled at Merlin and acted like that spoilt brat of princess that someone in her position was supposed to be.

Her stomach twisted.

Of course she'd noticed the divide between them since she'd been crowned queen, and of course, she'd noticed Merlin's subtle attempts to bridge the gap by making small talk, by purposefully asking her how she was, if she was fine with all the responsibilities of being queen.

The thing was, Gwen was _so_ tired of being asked that question. And Merlin, her closest friend, asking her that when almost everybody she'd known when she was a servant had been pointedly implying that she was going to fail, it had been the last straw.

So she'd screamed. For nothing, for nothing but a plate dropped by accident, and a rushed apology, she'd yelled at him like never before, knowing, _knowing_ , these things were not intentional, but doing it anyway.

It felt awful.

And now to discover that he'd been fatally injured on a hunt… it was devastating. And so she stood outside Gaius's door like her husband had just a few hours ago. Before she could work up the courage to enter, someone opened the door. Gwaine and Gwen stared at each other for about a minute, before Gaius arrived at the door and stared at both of them with his "Eyebrow of Doom," as Merlin had affectionately named it.

Gwen blushed and Gwaine, who steadfastly refused to look at Gaius, quietly walked away.

"Yes, my queen? What can I do for you?"

"I- I just w-wanted to see Merlin… you know, see how he's doing, because Arthur seemed worried - not that I'm here because of Arthur! I wanted to come check on Merlin because _I_ was worried, not Arthur - not that Arthur wasn't worried-"

"Gwen, calm down," Gaius interrupted.

Gods, this whole situation took her back to when she was a shy stuttering maid, before she'd fallen in love with Arthur, back when things were _so much simpler._

"I'm sorry, Gaius. Um… is Merlin alright?"

"Why don't you come in, Gwen?" Gaius held open the door for her to enter.

"Yes- Yes, of course," she stammered once again.

Her gaze instantly focused on the unconscious body lying on Gaius's cot.

Gaius followed Gwen's eyes and he sighed. "He's fine, Gwen, the bolt didn't go that deep, and with a few weeks of rest, he should be good as new."

She closed her eyes, "I'm sorry, Gaius."

"Whatever for?"

"I-I know I've been horrible, I know everyone's been horrible to him, and it's not fair, because then he goes and does things like _this,_ and it just cements the fact that… that -" she scoffed, "that he's too good for us."

Gaius looked at her, surprised, as she repeated his words from just a few weeks ago.

"Don't look so shocked, Gaius, we care about Merlin too. It's just… with everything… it's hard to-" she shoved her head in her hands. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing too, Gwen," Gaius reminded.

"Yes, yes I know, and it's not just me who has to apologize, Arthur and the knights do as well, they've been just as ignorant, if not more, towards Merlin," she ended firmly. "Well, I'd better go. Anything you need Gaius, don't hesitate to ask."

Gaius smiled.

_Maybe they're not so oblivious after all._

* * *

When Merlin finally woke up, it was nearing midnight and Gaius had been settling in to go to bed.

"Gaius…?"

"Merlin, you're awake!"

"Wow, yeah, I am, you don't have to shout…" he said, scrunching up his face in annoyance.

"Why, does your head hurt? That isn't supposed to happen, did you hit your head before you went on the hunt? Why did you not tell me! Merlin, you have to tell me these things, otherwise your condition could get worse-"

"Gaius!" He smiled that trademark 'Merlin' smile and laughed groggily. "I'm fine, you were just a little loud and it surprised me. And I do tell you about my injuries, you're probably the _only_ one I tell!"

Gaius raised his eyebrow.

"Ok well, most of the time I tell you…. sometimes…" Merlin smiled sheepishly.

He rolled his eyes.

"Ok now onto more important things, what happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"Vaguely…? I mean, I remember going on a hunt…. and then, bandits?"

"You were hit by a cross bolt aimed for Arthur," Gaius clarified. There was a silence before Merlin scoffed.

"Of course I was." Merlin's tone was bitter and it startled the healer.

Seeing the look on his mentor's face, he shook his head. "I didn't mean it like that, you know that, I just…" He trailed off and shrugged. "I don't know."

Gaius knew. Gaius knew exactly what Merlin felt but didn't say anything besides telling Merlin to go back to sleep.

* * *

Arthur knew he was avoiding Merlin. He also knew the knights were avoiding Merlin. After hearing Gaius's frustrated words, he'd tried to figure what he was trying to say, but couldn't, so he just based his guilt on things he _knew_ he was guilty of. Like avoiding Merlin. He sighed.

The only person not avoiding Merlin was Gwen, who was not emotionally stunted and actually had apologized to Merlin for yelling at him and being distant since she had become queen.

The rest of them were, however, emotionally stunted, and had no clue how to talk to Merlin, so they just ignored him.

He should talk to Merlin. He should. The idiot was probably thinking some shit like he had done something wrong and it was his fault. Arthur knew how Merlin's mind worked.

Arthur sighed again. _This is going to take effort._

* * *

_It's probably my fault. Why else would he be avoiding me?_

Merlin sat up in bed and looked at the bland walls of his room for the hundredth time.

"Merlin?"

He started and turned to the voice in his doorway.

It was Arthur.

_Well, I guess I'll find out if I've done something wrong now._

"How are you?" Arthur's voice was strained.

Merlin smiled in amusement. "I'm fine, Arthur."

"Well… that's good. Yes. That's good." He stammered uncharacteristically.

Merlin raised his eyebrows.

Arthur sighed and sat down at the edge of Merlin's cot. "Merlin… I'm sorry. I - We - have been distant and ignorant, and…" His eyes flickered.

A beat of silence.

"Did you just apologize, Arthur?" Merlin said, smirking.

"Oh shut up, idiot."

* * *

Gaius saw the difference only a few days after the incident.

It wasn't anything drastic, Arthur hadn't suddenly started being _nice_ to Merlin, but the actions were more teasing. Gwen had wholly embraced her duty as a best friend and came to visit Merlin every day no matter what. The knights also came to the chambers often, having each apologized to Merlin after Arthur had.

Gaius smiled.

_It's finally okay, Merlin._

* * *

I don't know how to end stuff. Sorry.

Thanks for reading, comment if you liked it!


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